Its only in my dreams,
That i'd make believe, we're together.
Khyabon mein dehekte mehfuz ho tum,
bus chaah yehi hai ki is zindagi mein kab toh ikhtesaar honge hum
Im a Hustler with a purpose,
Never ever say die because it is never over...
mera dil dastbardaar kiya hua musafir hain,
par kambakth kabhi tark khaana nahi seekha..
Whose glamour even the most coveted of artists wont be able enough to portray.
Its only in my dreams,
That i'd make believe, we're together.
Tu Is Tarah Se Mere Dil Main Shamil Hai
Jahan Bhi Jaoon Lagta Hai Teri Mahfil Hai
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Birth of the Divine...
April 27th 1986, The systems in the Indian Meteorological Department (IMD) experience a glitch in their systems. The high end Intel E7300 systems just do not seem to respond. Blank static screens. Moments before the systems went bonkers there was a tiny speck, that kept beeping on the radar's. The entire transmission came from a place called Rasayani Latitude: 18°53'44"N Latitude 73°9'24"E. Flummoxed by the turn of events, the head of IMD calls the service center at Rasayani. But then he discovers there is no network there. No transmission, no network within seconds! this is something of magnanimous proportions nothing like this had ever happened before. A Small land mas has suddenly gone off the virtual map!
During the last mercurial battle between the gods and the demons there was a goddess who had to sacrifice herself to kill the son of Satan, Horus. She was the love child of Aphrodite and Hephaestus, divine blood, that of serenity and calmness flowed in her veins. Only she had the power to defeat all that was evil.
As the world witnessed more hatred more bad blood, the Gods decided that it was time to unleash her once again. Resurrection of binding her soul to a mortal body began. Quintesenntially she was a raw as powerful as awe-inspiring as her former self. O hey did i mention gorgerous! The task of bringing her back to earth was entrusted to Ezikel, the most sacred and revered priest of Jaudaism. As for her had the chariot, whose afterburn igited the night sky, which is the symbol of a new beginning. A Similar incident has taken place when Jesus himself was born.
Little did the guys at IMD, know that Ezikiel was riding his chariot guarded by angels exactly at those co-ordinates. The prophet was delivering a tribute.
As apt as her creation, which could'nt have any words to describe it. She was too precious to have a name..
During the last mercurial battle between the gods and the demons there was a goddess who had to sacrifice herself to kill the son of Satan, Horus. She was the love child of Aphrodite and Hephaestus, divine blood, that of serenity and calmness flowed in her veins. Only she had the power to defeat all that was evil.
As the world witnessed more hatred more bad blood, the Gods decided that it was time to unleash her once again. Resurrection of binding her soul to a mortal body began. Quintesenntially she was a raw as powerful as awe-inspiring as her former self. O hey did i mention gorgerous! The task of bringing her back to earth was entrusted to Ezikel, the most sacred and revered priest of Jaudaism. As for her had the chariot, whose afterburn igited the night sky, which is the symbol of a new beginning. A Similar incident has taken place when Jesus himself was born.
Little did the guys at IMD, know that Ezikiel was riding his chariot guarded by angels exactly at those co-ordinates. The prophet was delivering a tribute.
As apt as her creation, which could'nt have any words to describe it. She was too precious to have a name..
Friday, March 27, 2009
As I lay dying
As I wailed, squalled, crying out for someone,
Out of the blue, she appeared, beyond words,
As I watched, aghast, blown away by her,
‘What in the world do you want?’ she asked.
As I contemplated, figuring where my mouth was,
‘Good grief, God-sent to decipher a jerk?’ she said,
As the words finally found me, my eyes sparkled,
‘Would you ever be mine? To protect, preserve yet unconstrained?’
As I waited, I couldn’t help be mesmerized,
Her eyes, her face, her expressions, underlined everything resplendent.
As I half expected death, ‘Whatever!’ she said,
Comfortable numbness heart-felt, I lingered on.
As I wailed, squalled cried out, for her, forever,
When all that I wanted, all that I had,
As it seemed t’wasnt much for me to hold on to, I held on.. I held on..
Battle after battle, scars over scars, battered, bruised,
As the test went on, impression-less was she.
As I pulled all strings to make the perfect ballad,
My words were all right, but the beats were all wrong,
As I sang to her, heart, guts and soul, she began to melt,
A sign, enough to will me on, no matter what the outcome, I’d fight on.
As I synchronized my moves, her voice, I thought about,
An enigmatic glee that always leads to addiction,
As I lay cornered, surrounded by the inevitable doom,
I strategized, working arduously, to mend my destiny,
As I exerted every iota of my being,
To complete the arc of my consciousness
As I implored god to provide, the gift mankind craved,
I got shot in my heart, in the process.
As I lay dying here, graced by your eyes,
Hope floats, dreams devoured, a silence greets time,
As I breathe my last, graced by your tears,
Reminisces of the battles fought, feelings of which our bonds comprise,
As my eyes garner the last photon, graced by your face,
I feel blessed to be with you, my guardian angel,
As I bid a final goodbye, graced in your arms,
My only wish is fulfilled, to die in your arms.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Out of the blue, she appeared, beyond words,
As I watched, aghast, blown away by her,
‘What in the world do you want?’ she asked.
As I contemplated, figuring where my mouth was,
‘Good grief, God-sent to decipher a jerk?’ she said,
As the words finally found me, my eyes sparkled,
‘Would you ever be mine? To protect, preserve yet unconstrained?’
As I waited, I couldn’t help be mesmerized,
Her eyes, her face, her expressions, underlined everything resplendent.
As I half expected death, ‘Whatever!’ she said,
Comfortable numbness heart-felt, I lingered on.
As I wailed, squalled cried out, for her, forever,
When all that I wanted, all that I had,
As it seemed t’wasnt much for me to hold on to, I held on.. I held on..
Battle after battle, scars over scars, battered, bruised,
As the test went on, impression-less was she.
As I pulled all strings to make the perfect ballad,
My words were all right, but the beats were all wrong,
As I sang to her, heart, guts and soul, she began to melt,
A sign, enough to will me on, no matter what the outcome, I’d fight on.
As I synchronized my moves, her voice, I thought about,
An enigmatic glee that always leads to addiction,
As I lay cornered, surrounded by the inevitable doom,
I strategized, working arduously, to mend my destiny,
As I exerted every iota of my being,
To complete the arc of my consciousness
As I implored god to provide, the gift mankind craved,
I got shot in my heart, in the process.
As I lay dying here, graced by your eyes,
Hope floats, dreams devoured, a silence greets time,
As I breathe my last, graced by your tears,
Reminisces of the battles fought, feelings of which our bonds comprise,
As my eyes garner the last photon, graced by your face,
I feel blessed to be with you, my guardian angel,
As I bid a final goodbye, graced in your arms,
My only wish is fulfilled, to die in your arms.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Ever been in a place where you've thought you would get eaten by the surrounds?
Ever made something with all your love and caress only to watch it burn away?
Day 141, Last day in London..
So this is it.. This is when the delirium stops, an unrivaled fanatic mania..
The city is like a compilation of a master piece, a rhythm of megalomania, people with delirious faces fading to black leaving no traces.. Beautiful streets, awesome history, amazing historical sights to behold.. The place where every traveler has to lay his footsteps on to call himself a true nomad..
London's got a thing for working-their-ass-off immigrants who get peanuts in return.. Everyday, Nails hammered onto their head and heart, from their employers, sore overworked bodies, Them, hustlers with a common cause.. making moolah.. an obsession with the bling-bling.. But most of them get lost in the realms of it all.. Everything gets hammmered
Times like theses i most despise.. Credit Crunch, Recession, job cuts, suicides over trivial issues, man slaughter, racism, all these and more are the realities that make up the city.
"182.. Harrow Weald.. Oxhey Lane... " the shrill computerized voice in the bus kept on saying stop after stop.. I stop for a moment to glimpse the beauty that is the city of London!.. The vast green farms.. Spotlessly clean pavements.. The crystal clear signage's.. Blemish-less roads.. The neat and tidy of everything in the road from Ealing road to Harrow Weald.
As i walk towards my office.. i know it is my last day here.. and hell i would miss it like an asphyxiated fish out of water.. There is a complete mix of emotions.. I never wanted to leave here.. But isn't the mentality of every Indian residing there? Like a crowded rush hour train, London is a place where you just cant wait to get in, if you are on the outside, and when you are in, you just cannot wait to be out.. I go though the day with all the memories, etched in me, of this great city!
The celebration of Diwali - Every Indian was on the streets celebrating, there was a carnival on the roads, A Spectacular sight! Ganesha idols, Lanterns, Dragons, People playing the pied piper, drums, and people dressed up as Hindu God and Goddesses!
The sight of the Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge, London Eye, Buckingham palace, Camden Market of London, the pubs, the Indian food joints, Kebabs at Kebabish.. There are just too many sights to behold.. too many to get nostalgic about.. the nightmarish weather.. Just adds to the spectacle..
One place in the world is ticked off in the list.. The list of places which I intend to see before i die! Viva London!
Ever been in a place where you've thought you would get eaten by the surrounds?
Ever made something with all your love and caress only to watch it burn away?
Day 141, Last day in London..
So this is it.. This is when the delirium stops, an unrivaled fanatic mania..
The city is like a compilation of a master piece, a rhythm of megalomania, people with delirious faces fading to black leaving no traces.. Beautiful streets, awesome history, amazing historical sights to behold.. The place where every traveler has to lay his footsteps on to call himself a true nomad..
London's got a thing for working-their-ass-off immigrants who get peanuts in return.. Everyday, Nails hammered onto their head and heart, from their employers, sore overworked bodies, Them, hustlers with a common cause.. making moolah.. an obsession with the bling-bling.. But most of them get lost in the realms of it all.. Everything gets hammmered
Times like theses i most despise.. Credit Crunch, Recession, job cuts, suicides over trivial issues, man slaughter, racism, all these and more are the realities that make up the city.
"182.. Harrow Weald.. Oxhey Lane... " the shrill computerized voice in the bus kept on saying stop after stop.. I stop for a moment to glimpse the beauty that is the city of London!.. The vast green farms.. Spotlessly clean pavements.. The crystal clear signage's.. Blemish-less roads.. The neat and tidy of everything in the road from Ealing road to Harrow Weald.
As i walk towards my office.. i know it is my last day here.. and hell i would miss it like an asphyxiated fish out of water.. There is a complete mix of emotions.. I never wanted to leave here.. But isn't the mentality of every Indian residing there? Like a crowded rush hour train, London is a place where you just cant wait to get in, if you are on the outside, and when you are in, you just cannot wait to be out.. I go though the day with all the memories, etched in me, of this great city!
The celebration of Diwali - Every Indian was on the streets celebrating, there was a carnival on the roads, A Spectacular sight! Ganesha idols, Lanterns, Dragons, People playing the pied piper, drums, and people dressed up as Hindu God and Goddesses!
The sight of the Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge, London Eye, Buckingham palace, Camden Market of London, the pubs, the Indian food joints, Kebabs at Kebabish.. There are just too many sights to behold.. too many to get nostalgic about.. the nightmarish weather.. Just adds to the spectacle..
One place in the world is ticked off in the list.. The list of places which I intend to see before i die! Viva London!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Ill Stand Alone
I'd swim in the magma sea,
walk in the desert of needles,
ride on thunder when lightning surrounds,
powered by hope and a desire to fight...
I'm searching for the supreme,
the all-powerful, all-conquering accentuated entity
the one with the gift to mesmerize every grain of my body
the power of whose punctuated silence's, paramount.
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
A quintessential juxtapose of death and life,
Ever-long as thou lay your touch on me
Unfading beauty of insurmountable proportions
Id swim in a lucid rhyming river of just your praise
Laying by my side, warmth effervesces from your skin
Sync of your breath and heartbeat,
Eventual effectuates, twinkling eyelids,
Perfect curves defying saneness, precision of your smile!
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
I could be your, Architect of desires
doctor of feelings
Aristocrat of hope
Engineer building the dream where only we unite!
Sleep now, oh precious,
there are miles to run tomorrow,
concrete hurdles, tall as the sky,
brace and grace, help get by......
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
walk in the desert of needles,
ride on thunder when lightning surrounds,
powered by hope and a desire to fight...
I'm searching for the supreme,
the all-powerful, all-conquering accentuated entity
the one with the gift to mesmerize every grain of my body
the power of whose punctuated silence's, paramount.
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
A quintessential juxtapose of death and life,
Ever-long as thou lay your touch on me
Unfading beauty of insurmountable proportions
Id swim in a lucid rhyming river of just your praise
Laying by my side, warmth effervesces from your skin
Sync of your breath and heartbeat,
Eventual effectuates, twinkling eyelids,
Perfect curves defying saneness, precision of your smile!
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
I could be your, Architect of desires
doctor of feelings
Aristocrat of hope
Engineer building the dream where only we unite!
Sleep now, oh precious,
there are miles to run tomorrow,
concrete hurdles, tall as the sky,
brace and grace, help get by......
The never ending quest, to the unknown,
A being possessed, to retain thy kingdoms throne,
Battle after battle, blood sweat and tears flown,
All for you, but in the end, I know Ill Stand Alone!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Obsessed
This spellbound trip… A jukebox of a rhyming rhythm….
A natural high….so raw… so divine…. so pure…
After effects of a mid-summer beauty’s touch…A Mesmerizing spectrum….
The reason behind this sonnet… Makes me shiver with glee…
The architects of desires imbibed a seed… A desire of an awe striking delight…The wonder of pensive emotes…..Nurtured with a dignified rite….
Once apprised of her powers….freedom beckoned her…..she could hold her own….alone in a dark fortress without a watch tower….
A Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
Her moments, immersed in me….Stretched across my memory….
She is a myth….an epic…that has to slowly be unraveled….
The whole world at her feet, as she smiles without a care….
Oh! Her stagnant beauty makes me stare….
Grace surrounds her cradle of life….poignantly….as time resigns….
All her locks in place…planting questions in a maze entwined….. ravenous to roam her castles with consent…..Alas! The water bearer resigns to fate...
Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
The glittering marvel….Her eyes…Her moves…Her Expressions….
From head to toe she’s got that glow her halo the aura the beautiful impression she leaves wherever she goes……
She makes me tranquil…Like an icy river dive from the thatched summer kiln.....
Drowning in the soothing resonance of her voice….Makes me wonder…..Makes me ponder…is she really an angel or a goddess sent….the night with it rained tenderly with a thunder….
Id drift away with you… fly away… by your side….be with you throughout…Just to watch you…to guard you…..
A Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
{dedicated to ami}
A natural high….so raw… so divine…. so pure…
After effects of a mid-summer beauty’s touch…A Mesmerizing spectrum….
The reason behind this sonnet… Makes me shiver with glee…
The architects of desires imbibed a seed… A desire of an awe striking delight…The wonder of pensive emotes…..Nurtured with a dignified rite….
Once apprised of her powers….freedom beckoned her…..she could hold her own….alone in a dark fortress without a watch tower….
A Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
Her moments, immersed in me….Stretched across my memory….
She is a myth….an epic…that has to slowly be unraveled….
The whole world at her feet, as she smiles without a care….
Oh! Her stagnant beauty makes me stare….
Grace surrounds her cradle of life….poignantly….as time resigns….
All her locks in place…planting questions in a maze entwined….. ravenous to roam her castles with consent…..Alas! The water bearer resigns to fate...
Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
The glittering marvel….Her eyes…Her moves…Her Expressions….
From head to toe she’s got that glow her halo the aura the beautiful impression she leaves wherever she goes……
She makes me tranquil…Like an icy river dive from the thatched summer kiln.....
Drowning in the soothing resonance of her voice….Makes me wonder…..Makes me ponder…is she really an angel or a goddess sent….the night with it rained tenderly with a thunder….
Id drift away with you… fly away… by your side….be with you throughout…Just to watch you…to guard you…..
A Taurean beauty in a velvety red gown…
A princess, she stands atop the castle crown…..
Her beauty flows like the river in tempest…..
Over her every mortal is over-zealously obsessed……
{dedicated to ami}
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
A Distant Dream!
“Oh! Kiran! Stop sleeping already and pay attention” said my professor.
That’s odd this seems so god damn real, I thought.
Mom had just served me dinner as I watched the highlights of a victorious Manchester United team beating the crap out of Roma. I then waltzed my way into my bedroom, onto my cozy and warm bed. Tired and sullen, each step of the way I said to myself, “Tonight I will sleep like there is no tomorrow”. Must be the re-runs of Mel Gibson’s Braveheart, that must have had me thinking that way. The sleep inducing hormone melatonin levels in my brain increased and slowly by slowly all the departments of my brain called it a day, they began shutting shop. I must have drifted into my sub-conscious somewhere around midnight.
It all started then…
If u were in a dream that you thought was so real…. And if u never woke up from that dream…. How would you distinguish the real world from the unreal?
After a day’s play of cricket and the customary ‘cutting’ chai, I bid farewell to all my buddies. All cylinders up and running as I started my bike I headed home. I passed by the Dominoes Pizza shop, and was negotiating a turn when all of a sudden the bike stopped with a screeching halt! The chain mechanism was somehow stuck in the drum brake assembly. I was just about to put my bike on the side-stand when all of a sudden…..
I saw a white Maruti Omni turned almost into me, screeched, and swerved to a stop. Then a couple of hands grabbed hold of me and took me in. I was hit on the head with a blunt object; I was unconscious.
Drifting in and out of consciousness I sensed something on me. It was a black, jute sack with a hole at the height of my nostrils. There was this nauseating smell. I was not alone. I could only see the torso portion of the persons sitting in front of me. One of them had a Krieg 557 rifle and was wearing a white kurta. The other one was maybe a woman as I only saw a black burqa. I managed to take sneak peek out of the window and saw sand, everywhere. I must have drifted again….
Sultan Ahmed and Rasika Jamiilia were Mujahideens, working for SIMI. They were out on a recruitment drive on their way to the Ladakh-Leh border.
I then imagined myself on top of a hill, wearing a bandit robe, a bandana on my head, eating carrots with a goat. What is a goat doing here???? I wondered, as I looked into its puny marble eyes. Almost expecting an answer, “Baaaaaaaaaa” went the sheep and ran.
An apple fell from the tree. Nicholas cage came from somewhere asking directions. He is on some treasure hunt. Oh wait I see an oasis. There is a tall building nearby. Hey this is no building this is my college main building. I start running upstairs into my class. I take a seat on the third bench and start feeling sleepy.
A feel of a nudge, reminiscences of a distant friend, sitting close…
“……Romance, a childlike; playful consistency….. “
The nudge gets heavier and heavier…..
“……The scent sets in. She draws closer……”
But now it is no more a nudge, it is more like a knock……
“…….Violent eruptions of a hidden seductive volcano……. “
The knock is hurting now…
“….Rivulets running free…creation of crevices in the sea…..”
Better deal with this, I thought. Than have a permanent scary crevice running on my elbow….
But I really don’t want to let go of this…… The Mujahideens… The Goat… The Tree…..Nicolas cage….
Sounds like someone is screaming…Wake up!!!!!
Grab a brush and brush your teeth….
Why did you leave the keys upon the table..
Why couldn’t you set an alarm…
-HOLD it right there….. Mom is that you??
But right then a sudden break of light, into my dreamy eyes. A hint of a sound byte. Its getting louder now. I can hear it. I try and focus.
“Abe uth yaar… Pandu saamne hai….Abe who idhar dekh raha hai..Oye uth….OYEEEEE!!!”
And then…
Back to where we started….
My professor and his sniffer dog like quality to shock and awe the sleepy students. He is having a go with all guns blazing. After emptying his guns of the bullets I am sure to be assaulted by the bullet-less rifle. If he is in a gay mood he might leave me there. Else he will apply band-aid over my wounds yet still rip me apart!
But how did I get here?? This cant be right….right? is this a dream??? Or am I writing this, a dream? So many questions left un-answered. Maybe i wont find the right notes to hit while deciphering this unique ballad. Maybe my questions will just remain questions.
This is the real Matrix.
This is the real world fact that nothing is real!
Nothing actually exists.
All is just a figment of a distant dream.
A dream within a dream!
Baffling!
I sure am rocked to the core!
That’s odd this seems so god damn real, I thought.
Mom had just served me dinner as I watched the highlights of a victorious Manchester United team beating the crap out of Roma. I then waltzed my way into my bedroom, onto my cozy and warm bed. Tired and sullen, each step of the way I said to myself, “Tonight I will sleep like there is no tomorrow”. Must be the re-runs of Mel Gibson’s Braveheart, that must have had me thinking that way. The sleep inducing hormone melatonin levels in my brain increased and slowly by slowly all the departments of my brain called it a day, they began shutting shop. I must have drifted into my sub-conscious somewhere around midnight.
It all started then…
If u were in a dream that you thought was so real…. And if u never woke up from that dream…. How would you distinguish the real world from the unreal?
After a day’s play of cricket and the customary ‘cutting’ chai, I bid farewell to all my buddies. All cylinders up and running as I started my bike I headed home. I passed by the Dominoes Pizza shop, and was negotiating a turn when all of a sudden the bike stopped with a screeching halt! The chain mechanism was somehow stuck in the drum brake assembly. I was just about to put my bike on the side-stand when all of a sudden…..
I saw a white Maruti Omni turned almost into me, screeched, and swerved to a stop. Then a couple of hands grabbed hold of me and took me in. I was hit on the head with a blunt object; I was unconscious.
Drifting in and out of consciousness I sensed something on me. It was a black, jute sack with a hole at the height of my nostrils. There was this nauseating smell. I was not alone. I could only see the torso portion of the persons sitting in front of me. One of them had a Krieg 557 rifle and was wearing a white kurta. The other one was maybe a woman as I only saw a black burqa. I managed to take sneak peek out of the window and saw sand, everywhere. I must have drifted again….
Sultan Ahmed and Rasika Jamiilia were Mujahideens, working for SIMI. They were out on a recruitment drive on their way to the Ladakh-Leh border.
I then imagined myself on top of a hill, wearing a bandit robe, a bandana on my head, eating carrots with a goat. What is a goat doing here???? I wondered, as I looked into its puny marble eyes. Almost expecting an answer, “Baaaaaaaaaa” went the sheep and ran.
An apple fell from the tree. Nicholas cage came from somewhere asking directions. He is on some treasure hunt. Oh wait I see an oasis. There is a tall building nearby. Hey this is no building this is my college main building. I start running upstairs into my class. I take a seat on the third bench and start feeling sleepy.
A feel of a nudge, reminiscences of a distant friend, sitting close…
“……Romance, a childlike; playful consistency….. “
The nudge gets heavier and heavier…..
“……The scent sets in. She draws closer……”
But now it is no more a nudge, it is more like a knock……
“…….Violent eruptions of a hidden seductive volcano……. “
The knock is hurting now…
“….Rivulets running free…creation of crevices in the sea…..”
Better deal with this, I thought. Than have a permanent scary crevice running on my elbow….
But I really don’t want to let go of this…… The Mujahideens… The Goat… The Tree…..Nicolas cage….
Sounds like someone is screaming…Wake up!!!!!
Grab a brush and brush your teeth….
Why did you leave the keys upon the table..
Why couldn’t you set an alarm…
-HOLD it right there….. Mom is that you??
But right then a sudden break of light, into my dreamy eyes. A hint of a sound byte. Its getting louder now. I can hear it. I try and focus.
“Abe uth yaar… Pandu saamne hai….Abe who idhar dekh raha hai..Oye uth….OYEEEEE!!!”
And then…
Back to where we started….
My professor and his sniffer dog like quality to shock and awe the sleepy students. He is having a go with all guns blazing. After emptying his guns of the bullets I am sure to be assaulted by the bullet-less rifle. If he is in a gay mood he might leave me there. Else he will apply band-aid over my wounds yet still rip me apart!
But how did I get here?? This cant be right….right? is this a dream??? Or am I writing this, a dream? So many questions left un-answered. Maybe i wont find the right notes to hit while deciphering this unique ballad. Maybe my questions will just remain questions.
This is the real Matrix.
This is the real world fact that nothing is real!
Nothing actually exists.
All is just a figment of a distant dream.
A dream within a dream!
Baffling!
I sure am rocked to the core!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Refugee
Velvet sky in the horizon
Stars shining with all their might
The breeze ushers in the dawn
Memories a bright….
Everyday, once, lathed in your brilliance
Only you could say nothing yet mean thousand things without blinking
You stood there with all your grace
Erupting in smiles as I drew near
the little curls of hair kissing your cheek
A smile that could even make an angel shiver with glee
Make her awe in the brilliance of one amazing sight
Those eyes of a just born, innocence to the core
The frequency of the noise of your giggle touched me
Deeper still it went, made a niche in my soul.
The way you walked made me fumble for words
God! that’s the way the fountain of beauty flows.
The touch of your skin so smooth
Nothing defines its rich texture
You taste like fresh honey, a hundred mint leaves in a cup of tea
When it is bright and sunny
You were the aftermath of a divine mistake
Aphrodite wanted rebirth, you were born instead.
Time has no worth, for you are eternal
To guard and fight for you, I shall.
My mind is in overdrive, pulses racing,
Invincible yet powerless, I feel,
When you lay your eyes upon me,
But for you, alas I am only,
A prisoner of war, A refugee!
Stars shining with all their might
The breeze ushers in the dawn
Memories a bright….
Everyday, once, lathed in your brilliance
Only you could say nothing yet mean thousand things without blinking
You stood there with all your grace
Erupting in smiles as I drew near
the little curls of hair kissing your cheek
A smile that could even make an angel shiver with glee
Make her awe in the brilliance of one amazing sight
Those eyes of a just born, innocence to the core
The frequency of the noise of your giggle touched me
Deeper still it went, made a niche in my soul.
The way you walked made me fumble for words
God! that’s the way the fountain of beauty flows.
The touch of your skin so smooth
Nothing defines its rich texture
You taste like fresh honey, a hundred mint leaves in a cup of tea
When it is bright and sunny
You were the aftermath of a divine mistake
Aphrodite wanted rebirth, you were born instead.
Time has no worth, for you are eternal
To guard and fight for you, I shall.
My mind is in overdrive, pulses racing,
Invincible yet powerless, I feel,
When you lay your eyes upon me,
But for you, alas I am only,
A prisoner of war, A refugee!
Asphixiation
This pain seems blissful, I am being smothered but there is a sense of completeness.
A momentous fulfillment of my immediate gold to punish myself. Have I really found myself? Or am I just drifting away?
This interrogation has tormented me all throughout and would continue to cradle me in its arms. It would take a part of me. Confuse, consume and constrict me. I wanna see my face staring back at me with all those scars and the blood dripping all over me. I want to hurt myself and test the limits of how far my rational and physical being can swallow.
Everyday is War. The ground smells of dried blood and guts of the previous day’s massacre. The drumbeats are in the background as the ground trembles underneath my feet as I enter the battlefield. Flesh and wounds all over. Would the Gods hear me out as I crave for the will to stand upright and fight? Or would I be left alone with only my dignity and hope to pull me through?
Everytime I look up to the sky I see no Sun. The clouds seem like a gargantuan blemish on the velvety blue sky. The tormentors are upon me with their feisty swords and cancerous daggers. I fend with all my might, in the process making them bite the dust. But the battle rages on. Infinity has no bounds. Everyday I rise to face a new battle with new tormentors. Most of them engraved into my mind in the orifice of my consciousness.
The mind demons are the worse, forcing you to make believe what isn’t. Do them have a script to which im bound to perform, I’d never know.
But one things for certain things only happen what are destined to happen and nothing can change that. The supreme power up above governs every move, every breath, every step, and a part of it in ingrained in me, all righteousness!
A momentous fulfillment of my immediate gold to punish myself. Have I really found myself? Or am I just drifting away?
This interrogation has tormented me all throughout and would continue to cradle me in its arms. It would take a part of me. Confuse, consume and constrict me. I wanna see my face staring back at me with all those scars and the blood dripping all over me. I want to hurt myself and test the limits of how far my rational and physical being can swallow.
Everyday is War. The ground smells of dried blood and guts of the previous day’s massacre. The drumbeats are in the background as the ground trembles underneath my feet as I enter the battlefield. Flesh and wounds all over. Would the Gods hear me out as I crave for the will to stand upright and fight? Or would I be left alone with only my dignity and hope to pull me through?
Everytime I look up to the sky I see no Sun. The clouds seem like a gargantuan blemish on the velvety blue sky. The tormentors are upon me with their feisty swords and cancerous daggers. I fend with all my might, in the process making them bite the dust. But the battle rages on. Infinity has no bounds. Everyday I rise to face a new battle with new tormentors. Most of them engraved into my mind in the orifice of my consciousness.
The mind demons are the worse, forcing you to make believe what isn’t. Do them have a script to which im bound to perform, I’d never know.
But one things for certain things only happen what are destined to happen and nothing can change that. The supreme power up above governs every move, every breath, every step, and a part of it in ingrained in me, all righteousness!
Monday, June 18, 2007
In the Mist!
Caught up in circles. In Aberrations, of a different world. Caught in the continuum of time. I Light up a cigarette and set my lungs into submission. At the mercy of the malignancy which is certain. Burning holes, the hazy mist fills me in. It is quite deceiving as it makes its way through the leaky tissues and enters my brain. The smoke energizes my neurons…Actively bringing out the images and thoughts from the fathomless pit of essentialisms and deregulations ….As I make cloud castles with the cigarette stick in my hand….It feels so good to re-unite the brain with the feeling of being ecstatic yet nonchalant…..
Every neutron of the puff makes sense. Its the only thing that can implore the insides of my brain, and come up with answers that I need. The nicotine in it is like a psychosomatic fool, drowning in the river of delusions swiveling, shifting and then finally sacrificing itself. From its death is the birth of a sentiment. It Helps me realize that the fog, like Life, doesn’t have to make sense at all. Sometimes there are answers that you cannot uncover. Just like a movie life unfolds with a pre-written script. When I see the formations I realize the beauty of it all. Even if there is a lack of compassion. You never lose it. Never!...Witness the rise and fall of your salvation….
Have a nice feel of the condition….get the hang of it. Experience the reason and enjoy the ride as your existence changes directions at the speed of thought…. Because in the end, the smoke always vanishes, and the cigarette burns into ash…
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Frozen
voice cracks......my larnyx begins to studder.....
shes put the gun to my throat....pulled the trigger
too many cuts...too many bruises i crawl on my scalded knees.....
got no options..... she left me none....just a reason to burn with anger
i lie here writhing in pain.....suffer with every breath.....is this what i need?
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
pulled into a relm of discomfort...as my bodys pulled unto the death-cart
lying there...thinking about the times that were surreal....
i brought with me the night so dark....i brought the end close to me..
here, my skin crawls...as night falls...cannot, but think about, what you did.....
my body rots, blood begins to drop, as i get shot in the heart again......
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
Losing my mind.....losing my soul.....losing everything.....all of which you sold....
Cant believe i loved you crazy....Cant believe how all of this now appears hazy....
Traces of you, im still trying to forget....thats why i have to bleed....to rid me of this shitt
She holds me near as i lay there gasping for air....she bids me a final goodbye....shooting without a care
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
shes put the gun to my throat....pulled the trigger
too many cuts...too many bruises i crawl on my scalded knees.....
got no options..... she left me none....just a reason to burn with anger
i lie here writhing in pain.....suffer with every breath.....is this what i need?
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
pulled into a relm of discomfort...as my bodys pulled unto the death-cart
lying there...thinking about the times that were surreal....
i brought with me the night so dark....i brought the end close to me..
here, my skin crawls...as night falls...cannot, but think about, what you did.....
my body rots, blood begins to drop, as i get shot in the heart again......
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
Losing my mind.....losing my soul.....losing everything.....all of which you sold....
Cant believe i loved you crazy....Cant believe how all of this now appears hazy....
Traces of you, im still trying to forget....thats why i have to bleed....to rid me of this shitt
She holds me near as i lay there gasping for air....she bids me a final goodbye....shooting without a care
and i lie here...........
so cold.. so dead.. so frozen
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Love Why?????
My best friend tried to kill himself. Slit his wrist deep enough to make the bones visible. Veins oozing blood like a miniature Niagara Fall only a little red in color and thicker. If it hadn’t been for a bystander who rushed him to the hospital he would have had a “Late” prefixed to his name right now.
Doctors later informed that if just 200ml more blood had been spilt, He would have lost enough to be brain dead. Not that they knew that people who take such measures don’t have one.
5 days of unconsciousness in the I.C.U and then a little movement. With a little flutter of his eyes he woke up…
When he awoke he seemed a little lost. I guess after 5 days of unconsciousness everything seems blurry, everything seems a little fake.
When I reached there, he was in the procedure of being resurrected again…I had to really hold myself back from violently shaking him and slapping him or in WWE terms choke-slamming him and saying “What the hell were you thinking Banta??” But as he lay there in such a miserable state I was filled with empathy tying to smile. His half-open tired eyes staring at the ceiling, his dry lips that seemed to shut him up and his weak body reminded me of what Nana Patekar’s skeleton would look like if you tried to lay it down on a bed and make it smile a little.
But why did he want to give it all up, maybe he had lost all hope in pursuing the woman he loved…he wanted out…he wanted out of this life where you are bound to protocols. A life, full of deceit, and mistrust. There lies a deep mysterious meaning to everything that’s done in life. You kind of ignite the flames of an invisible fire whenever you fall for someone. The fire engulfs everything that seems sane to you. You lose touch with yourself. It might seem bliss in the beginning. But it’s this very euphoric feeling that later gives rise to depression, nausea, and more depression. He didn’t understand what he was doing to himself until this happened.
I guess you don’t think much when you are in “Love”. You would do things that would otherwise seem insane to you. But yet people fall, and fall and then die……..!
Romeo, Devdas, and many others who cradled in the arms of the angel of death…..what did do of them have in common…..yep death at a very early stage…..just because they fell in “LOVEEE”……..WHY?????????????
Isn’t life too dear to lose it just for that selfish someone who thinks no end of oneself…..or did they try to change those special someones whom they were in “LOVEEE” so that they could control them or somehow adapt them to their own habitat…….I Think NOT…….
Every failed relationship is only because of immense love, immense Selfishness or immense Hatred…….!!
Yeah believe it…….Hate gives rise to “LOVEEE” somehow……..
But Sometimes you just cannot fathom what’s going on in your life…….Sometimes like a change over in a movie….the film reel keeps on rolling and nobody in the audience has a clue of what’s happening. Don’t you just feel lost sometimes? The feeling of giant hugs of loneliness just envelopes you even when you have everyone close to you. Sometimes it does make you want to question your existence, Doesn’t it?
Maybe, the sugar-coated definition of this may be that you’re in love…..but basically you need medical attention for bouts of insomnia, head-aches……….or you just need to lighten up a bit and not think much!
All I’m trying to say here is that…………never love someone that your whole life is dependent on them…………..Love is a garnered emotion………you learn a lot from it……..from different people……..
So stop being perfect or try to behave overly with the ones you have feelings for ……! Stop making your life Hell to make someone else’s a seventh heaven!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
What besieges me…?
Its dawn….I know because the blood vessels in my bladder pulsates. It’s Kind of a natural biological alarm. The excreted fluids of my body rush to meet the bacteria covered porcelain carved ever so elegantly curvaceous like a natural busted woman. They make their way up the vascular muscle. While the sights and sounds of my dreams are still vibrating eccentrically in my head. A scratch on my head and a glance towards my watch later I finally totter out of my bed. I reach my bathroom with shaky legs and a numb brain, switch on the light and just let go……..
There’s absolutely no feeling that can substitute the feeling that you feel when you let go in a bathroom after holding it for so long in your bladder…Trust me!
It’s this feeling that overwhelms me…..Even if you have had a shitty day the day before….Your girl-friend dumped you….You had a fight with your parents….Didn’t get the job that you were looking for…….
For that 20 seconds or so…you’re in ecstasy…Euphoric…A smile sprouts on your face out of no where even if you’ve been crying your eyes out the night before……
A simple pee can make you feel Godlike…….Damn!!
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